A catchy pop hit from the nineteen-sixties reminds us that breaking up is hard to do. The reason for this is simple: few break-ups are mutual, which means that one party wants to stay together. In this article we are going to discuss what not to do when you want to learn how to get someone back.
The reasons for breakups are many and varied, and often depend on the couple themselves, but many couples have been able to change their behaviour, modify their attitudes and get back together again, so it can be done.
However, your chances will be negatively affected if you engage in any of the behaviours we will be discussing in this article. Though there are probably dozens of them, we have identified three things that you most assuredly should not do if you want to know how to get someone back.
Don’t go down the “poor me” route, even though it’s tempting, like staying in bed all day (which is part of the same thing). You have to get out there and face the world. People tend to avoid those who drain them of energy. Being depressed has that effect on others, so, hard though it is, don’t allow your depression to show hoping others will take sympathy on you – they won’t!
On no account let your ex see you are depressed, no matter how tempting.
Rather than take pity on you, they’ll most likely thank their stars they’re not involved with an emotional wreck! Get help from a professional if necessary, it’s important not to keep it all buried inside, but keep it out of your personal life.
Any chance of reconcilliation can be blown out of the water by pleading. No matter how devastated you feel, or how badly treated you feel, on no account beg your ex to come back. It’s best to break all contact for a month or so after the breakup, as this gives you a chance to get your emotions back level, so that if and when you do finally speak to your ex, the pent up emotion does not come out in the form of desperate begging, which is usually so very off-putting.
Lastly, you need to appear in control.
One important thing to remember about how to get someone back is that desperate people are unattractive people (usually). Your ex knows you better than most. Remember that and make sure that if and when you bump into them you are confident. This takes time, so stay away from your ex for a while after a split to get your emotions together.
Believe it or not, keeping a distance and not calling or emailing may convince your ex that you are over them, which may encourage them to pick up the phone and check on you. Of course this first phone call will be identified as a pity call or she will simply say that she wanted to check on you. But once she sees that you are doing well and living your life, she may have second thoughts.
This re-establishment of regular communications is a necessary first step, and you should not be overeager or let you ex know that you miss them. However, if she confesses that she misses you first, that may be just the opening you need to ask her out to a friendly lunch or dinner and set off down the path towards how to get someone back.
As you can probably realize by now, this article raises more questions than it answers. If you are truly serious about finding out how to get someone back, you need a detailed but simple to follow strategy.